The Idahoax

For as long as I can remember, since childhood really, I have been hearing about something called "Idaho". Supposedly it's a place in the northwestern US.

I want to declare right here and now that I'm not buying it. Never have, never will. I've never been to "Idaho", and I don't know anyone who has. I've never met anyone who claimed to be from "Idaho". And if I did, I sure as shootin' wouldn't believe him. Why would I? I know that the whole thing is a hoax. Anybody with half a brain can see that. There's no such thing. It's just the far eastern part of Oregon.

More like, "Welcome to nowhere!"

People who believe in "Idaho" are the same people who believe in global warming. They're the same ones who believe in evolution. They believe in labor unions and raising taxes and letting the government run everything. They believe in all kinds of crazy stuff, just because they saw it on Rachel Maddow. Well, helllloooooo! Sorry mister, but I'm not buying your east coast liberal establishment media foolishness.

I know, now you're going to show me a map or something and say look, it's right there. So what? My kid has a poster on his bedroom wall that shows a map of Middle Earth. That doesn't make it real, fer crissakes! Same thing with "Idaho". Or are you going to tell me that hobbits are for real? Case closed.

Oh, nonsense. Those are the Swiss Alps.

And no, I'm not going to "go there and see for myself." That's another one I've heard one too many times. Life is short, and I'm not made of money. I'm not going to spend my hard-earned cash on a fake ticket to some imaginary place just to prove a point. I'm going to use my limited time and money to see Disney World.

And for the last time, don't give me the eye-rolling and the exasperated looks and the "Listen, 'Idaho' is just a fact." Facts! I'll give you facts. You can't go around just saying stuff and calling it a "fact". Your facts don't count for me. I have my own facts. It's my right as an American. Don't tread on me!