Give Me Men To Match My Mountains

I saw a news item today that caused me tremendous concern. It seems that Kyrgyzstan has decided to name a mountain after Vladimir Putin. Assuming that the Kyrgyz Prime Minister gets approval from parliament, Mount Vladimir Putin, 4,500 meters in height (around 14,800 feet) will take its place near Mount Boris Yeltsin in a mountain range near the Chinese border.

Another Sputnik moment! We must achieve parity, if not superiority. I suppose that I can take some solace in the fact that Mount Vladimir Putin would be located in a country that has a name that nobody can actually pronounce. But still!

I did a little research, mostly with the help of MountainZone.com, and now I feel better. There are lots of enormous heaps of dirt named after our recent leaders. Well, okay, maybe not directly named after them, but then we have precedents for bending the truth a little in the name of freedom.

There are lots of Bush Mountains in the US. The tallest I found is in Culberson County in Texas, 8,615 feet (2,626 meters) high. There's a Bush Butte in Montana, and lots of Bush Hills (two in Massachusetts alone!).

Why does he get so many mountains?

There are quite a few summits named Ford Mountain, the tallest one I found being in Rabun County, Georgia, at a height of 3,927 feet (1,197 meters). In Coos County, New Hampshire there is a North Carter mountain (4,459 feet/1,359 meters), a Middle Carter Mountain (4,541 feet/1,384 meters), a South Carter Mountain (4,409 feet/1,344 meters) and a Carter Dome (4,826 feet/1,471 meters). Carter Mountains abound elsewhere in the US too.

Clinton Mountains aren't in short supply either. The one in Van Buren County in Arkansas is 1,568 feet (478 meters) high. Clinton Peak in Lake County, Colorado clocks in at 13,812 feet (4,210 meters). Ooh, that's a big one!

Nixon Peak in Gallatin County in Montana rises to 6,834 feet (2,083 meters) above sea level. Reagan Mountain in Cherokee County, Texas is 653 feet (199 meters) high.

I couldn't find an Obama Mountain in the US. But fear not, loyal Democrats; there is one on the island of Antigua. It's the former Boggy Peak, renamed to Mount Obama on August 4, 2009 to honor Our President on his birthday. It's, um, 1,319 feet (395 meters) high, so just a little smaller than Mount Vladimir Putin. But I think we can do better. Mount Kenya, in the country of that name, has a peak (Batian) that's 17,057 feet (5,199 meters) high. I'll bet that if we play our cards right, there's a deal to be made there. Take that, Vlad!


You think you're soooo tall! But my
mountain is waaaay bigger than yours!